so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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