you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
