Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
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Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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