I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
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I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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