hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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