There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
