do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
