um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
