so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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