I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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