6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
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She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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