If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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