pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
