I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
As shirtless as possible
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
