Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
