I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
