but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
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I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
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Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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