He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
