I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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