i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
