dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
