My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
vagina is talking i cant
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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