i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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