I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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