Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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