this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.