but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She needs sedatives and a leash
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.