I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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