Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
