too bad you live with your parents still
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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