The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
