I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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