i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
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she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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