my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"