Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.