he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
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When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.