i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.