Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.