when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.