last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.