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would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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