We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
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Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.