How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?