Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
