I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
