The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
