I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
