and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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