I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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