I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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