alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
