8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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