it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
