omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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