Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
