I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize