is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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