WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
