It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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