Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I must be too annoying 4 u.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Randomize
Follow @tfln