Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
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my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
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You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.