she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!