we have pet lesbian snakes
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??