my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?